Comments on: Unsolicited Advice and Shoulding on People http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/ All seasons are beautiful for the person who carries happiness within. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 13:06:05 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.0.4 by: Greg Hankerson http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-711 Mon, 23 Apr 2007 15:10:12 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-711 Andrea, Feel free to reprint it with my contact info which is this website address, I'd be honored. :) Andrea, Feel free to reprint it with my contact info which is this website address, I’d be honored. :)

]]> by: Andrea de Michaelis http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-665 Fri, 20 Apr 2007 15:23:37 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-665 Hello, I publish Florida's new age magazine and am interested in reprinting your Unsolicited Advice and Shoulding On People article. I am at my May deadline but would like to use it if I may. I don't pay for articles but will include your contact info. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you. Hello, I publish Florida’s new age magazine and am interested in reprinting your Unsolicited Advice and Shoulding On People article. I am at my May deadline but would like to use it if I may. I don’t pay for articles but will include your contact info. Let me know your thoughts. Thank you.

]]> by: Greg Hankerson http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-604 Mon, 16 Apr 2007 15:13:52 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-604 I suppose it bothers me a little how people try to impose their views on me and others. I wouldn't say it angers me. I believe in a higher power. I suppose it bothers me a little how people try to impose their views on me and others. I wouldn’t say it angers me. I believe in a higher power.

]]> by: Jan http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-562 Sat, 14 Apr 2007 14:11:55 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-562 Why are you so angry with people who believe in God? Why are you so angry with people who believe in God?

]]> by: Greg Hankerson http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-435 Sun, 08 Apr 2007 20:58:17 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-435 I don't believe there is a real truth. I believe everybody has their own. My truth is different than everybody else's. If I believe in 1 truth, then there is a right and wrong which I don't believe. I think there just "is". Otherwise then there is judgement on my part, or others, or both. "God wants it this way" some say. Do you know God? Have you spoken with him? Well then that is your truth, thanks, and keep it to yourself. :) Which goes back to shoulding on people. Funny how we keep doing circles here. Happy Easter by the way! Not that I really celebrate it. I just like eating deviled eggs. I don’t believe there is a real truth. I believe everybody has their own. My truth is different than everybody else’s. If I believe in 1 truth, then there is a right and wrong which I don’t believe. I think there just “is”. Otherwise then there is judgement on my part, or others, or both. “God wants it this way” some say. Do you know God? Have you spoken with him? Well then that is your truth, thanks, and keep it to yourself. :) Which goes back to shoulding on people. Funny how we keep doing circles here.

Happy Easter by the way! Not that I really celebrate it. I just like eating deviled eggs.

]]> by: Jan http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-428 Sun, 08 Apr 2007 12:42:05 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-428 Greg, Thank you again for your words of kindness. I completely relate with the not asking for help, but in this instance I have asked for help and as I said, it was a lukewarm response. Several of my friends have said they really have a hard time seeing me struggle like this as I have always been so strong in the past. I think some of them just cannot stand to see me in pain and incapacitated. Maybe it makes them realize, if it could happen to Jan, it could happen to them and it scares them. I have mixed emotions about your theory on helping as that also means me. I would hope I would help for the right reasons, but given human nature you are probably right. I have always believed there are 3 sides to everything. Mine, theirs, and the truth so maybe part of us wants to help for the right reasons, but part of us does it for our own benefit. Either way, I always try to help when I can. I am more concerned over the fact that people just don't help out like they use to. Especially, when women and children or elderly need their help. I have to be honest with you, I have never been really big on chat rooms and like I said, this is my first time on a blog. I have lots going on in my life with working parttime, I recently started back to grad school at age 51, and rehabilitating from the accident that I don't have alot of time to spend on the computer so if I don't post anything for awhile, nothing personal, just busy. Thanks again for taking time and being honest. I wish you the best on your journey. Jan Greg,
Thank you again for your words of kindness. I completely relate with the not asking for help, but in this instance I have asked for help and as I said, it was a lukewarm response.

Several of my friends have said they really have a hard time seeing me struggle like this as I have always been so strong in the past. I think some of them just cannot stand to see me in pain and incapacitated. Maybe it makes them realize, if it could happen to Jan, it could happen to them and it scares them.

I have mixed emotions about your theory on helping as that also means me. I would hope I would help for the right reasons, but given human nature you are probably right. I have always believed there are 3 sides to everything. Mine, theirs, and the truth so maybe part of us wants to help for the right reasons, but part of us does it for our own benefit. Either way, I always try to help when I can.

I am more concerned over the fact that people just don’t help out like they use to. Especially, when women and children or elderly need their help.

I have to be honest with you, I have never been really big on chat rooms and like I said, this is my first time on a blog. I have lots going on in my life with working parttime, I recently started back to grad school at age 51, and rehabilitating from the accident that I don’t have alot of time to spend on the computer so if I don’t post anything for awhile, nothing personal, just busy.

Thanks again for taking time and being honest. I wish you the best on your journey.

Jan

]]> by: Greg Hankerson http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-417 Sat, 07 Apr 2007 20:54:53 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-417 I too had health problems a while back and it taught me who my real friends were. I also am "strong" person, my meaning is that I don't ask for help hardly ever, even when I could use it. So I get mad I don't get any offers for help, but I never asked for any too. Those who were perceptive enough, and/or truly cared, came to my aid. Ask, and ye shall receive. I am working on that one. I've learned that people do not "help" unless it benefits them in some way, or proves them right. For example, I ask for some help moving and here are some various things that people might think: 1. I better help, he helped me last move so I owe him. 2. I better help, if I say no I'll feel guilty. 3. I'll help, because I am a giving person and helping proves that I am. 4. I'll help, because I enjoy his company. I better help, or I'll never hear the end of it. 5. I'll help, so I can get away from my cookoo family. :) I think my opinion that there is no such thing as altruism is not very popular. I too had health problems a while back and it taught me who my real friends were. I also am “strong” person, my meaning is that I don’t ask for help hardly ever, even when I could use it. So I get mad I don’t get any offers for help, but I never asked for any too. Those who were perceptive enough, and/or truly cared, came to my aid. Ask, and ye shall receive. I am working on that one.

I’ve learned that people do not “help” unless it benefits them in some way, or proves them right. For example, I ask for some help moving and here are some various things that people might think:

1. I better help, he helped me last move so I owe him.
2. I better help, if I say no I’ll feel guilty.
3. I’ll help, because I am a giving person and helping proves that I am.
4. I’ll help, because I enjoy his company.
I better help, or I’ll never hear the end of it.
5. I’ll help, so I can get away from my cookoo family. :)

I think my opinion that there is no such thing as altruism is not very popular.

]]> by: Jan http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-408 Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:25:02 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-408 Thank you Greg. I will definitely put something up like you suggested to remind me each day. I was recently in a serious auto accident with multiple fractures of leg, foot, and wrist and this is one of the things that came up for me as very few of my friends called or came to visit. I have always been strong and made it through hard times. Wasn't sure if they just thought I didn't need their help or that I had driven them away with my unsolicited advice prior to this. It has been an interesting journey and my most difficult one to date. I know I can get through it, but it would have been nice to have friends to help me through. Another lesson learned. Take care, Jan Thank you Greg. I will definitely put something up like you suggested to remind me each day.

I was recently in a serious auto accident with multiple fractures of leg, foot, and wrist and this is one of the things that came up for me as very few of my friends called or came to visit. I have always been strong and made it through hard times. Wasn’t sure if they just thought I didn’t need their help or that I had driven them away with my unsolicited advice prior to this.

It has been an interesting journey and my most difficult one to date. I know I can get through it, but it would have been nice to have friends to help me through. Another lesson learned.

Take care,
Jan

]]> by: Greg Hankerson http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-385 Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:39:51 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-385 Jan, Hehe, another example after reading what I wrote. You asked me for advice here, and I gave it showing something that happened to me. I didn't say you should do this or that. If I gave advice it was gentle, like "you can always ask if..." Hang in there Jan, you'll figure it out one way or another. To be blunt, you'll drive everybody away, or you'll learn your lesson, or maybe you'll find new people. Now that I think about it. I don't hang around most of the people I used to anymore. Those that are not working on themselves spiritually that is. It's too difficult and it pulls me down. I want to be lifted up by those around me! So you might think about that too. That part is more difficult than the unsolicited advice thing and I think it's the next progression. :) Hey, thanks for getting me thinking there Jan! Jan,

Hehe, another example after reading what I wrote. You asked me for advice here, and I gave it showing something that happened to me. I didn’t say you should do this or that. If I gave advice it was gentle, like “you can always ask if…”

Hang in there Jan, you’ll figure it out one way or another. To be blunt, you’ll drive everybody away, or you’ll learn your lesson, or maybe you’ll find new people. Now that I think about it. I don’t hang around most of the people I used to anymore. Those that are not working on themselves spiritually that is. It’s too difficult and it pulls me down. I want to be lifted up by those around me! So you might think about that too. That part is more difficult than the unsolicited advice thing and I think it’s the next progression. :)

Hey, thanks for getting me thinking there Jan!

]]> by: Greg Hankerson http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-384 Fri, 06 Apr 2007 14:29:07 +0000 http://theadvancedsoul.com/2007/03/20/unsolicited-advice-and-shoulding-on-people/#comment-384 Jan, I think it is a natural progression to do this. You learn something that changed your life tremendously, and want to share it with others. You do that and they resist. I still do it myself. Stopping is a hard thing. My Uncle taught me not to do this and he actually practices this. It may have taken him 20 years though. But I was in a place to learn it from him at that time and he knew. How? I suppose practice will only teach you this. Just remember how it feels when people try to tell you how to live your life. And you can always ask if they'd like some feedback, then give an example of something that happened to you. You are not alone. I was shoulding on everybody when I first started my spiritual journey. It only pushed them away. Now I understand what it is to be righteous. Also, I have a whiteboard in a promenant area of my bedroom with advice I give myself. I read it constantly. One of the things I wrote is "I do not give unsolicited advice." I've read it hundreds of times and it does help. Thanks for visiting my blog, I am glad you found it! Jan,

I think it is a natural progression to do this. You learn something that changed your life tremendously, and want to share it with others. You do that and they resist. I still do it myself. Stopping is a hard thing. My Uncle taught me not to do this and he actually practices this. It may have taken him 20 years though. But I was in a place to learn it from him at that time and he knew. How? I suppose practice will only teach you this. Just remember how it feels when people try to tell you how to live your life. And you can always ask if they’d like some feedback, then give an example of something that happened to you.

You are not alone. I was shoulding on everybody when I first started my spiritual journey. It only pushed them away. Now I understand what it is to be righteous.

Also, I have a whiteboard in a promenant area of my bedroom with advice I give myself. I read it constantly. One of the things I wrote is “I do not give unsolicited advice.” I’ve read it hundreds of times and it does help. Thanks for visiting my blog, I am glad you found it!

]]>