7
September
2006
“People spend a lifetime searching for happiness; looking for peace. They chase idle dreams, addictions, religions, even other people, hoping to fill the emptiness that plagues them. The irony is the only place they ever needed to search was within.” — Ramona Anderson
This concept is so simple, yet so many people never understand it during their lifetimes. Love and accept yourself, and others will love and accept you. Realize you are worthy of great things, and great things will find you. Have you ever lost something like your sunglasses, only to later find you are wearing them? Well, true happiness is exactly like that, you once had it as a child, but along the way it got buried deep inside you. It’s still there, and it’s just waiting to be found.
If you expect something external, like a relationship, to bring you happiness, it may for a while, but it will eventually stop if you are not happy from within. One reason for this is we attract what we are. The girl that felt abandoned by her father as a child, will usually attract more men to abandon her. The boy who saw his father beat his mother, will usually beat his wife, or find an abusive wife. I always attracted somebody that was broken and it was my job to fix them. My Mother did it and I did the same.
Once one learns to love, accept, and surrender to who they are, once one feels worthy, they shall attract love. And how, you may ask, does one do this? Well, one must do something different than what they were doing before because that got you to where you are, right? You are here reading this, so you are looking for answers, and that is what you must do. I do not pretend to have the answers, for I too, am looking for this. And as I type, knowing that somebody else will read this looking for answers also, makes me feel truly wonderful inside. For I am not alone in this world.
“The problems that exist in the world today cannot be solved by the level of thinking that created them.” — Albert Einstein
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Greg Hankerson 
Happiness, Depression, Relationships 
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6
September
2006
With my quest for inner peace and my search for true happiness, I began to analyze everything I did during my day that could influence me. I won’t bore you with my entire day, but I discovered that a huge part of it is spent listening to, watching and reading media. Media being defined as all the means of communication, like newspapers, radio, internet, and TV that provide the public with news, entertainment, etc., usually along with advertising.
I get up in the morning and drink my coffee while scanning Yahoo news. Without fail, it is mostly negative. I turn on the TV a few times during the day and I’m bombarded with advertisements for junk food, fast food, beer, and stuff that I don’t need. I drive to the office and I hear commercials on the Radio for the same. I see billboards showing me an anorexic looking female modeling clothes. I pass the McDonalds and see the golden arches in front which says below a bizillion served. The parking lot is full of overweight people with sodas in one hand and a bag in the other. I go to the grocery store and see several of the products I saw advertised. Coke is on sale and piled up in the front of the store. I remember that there are nearly 10 teaspoons of sugar in everycan, so I resist buying a twelve pack. I look at my shopping cart and it has actual advertisements for junk food on it. I check out and see a dozen various tabloids talking of the latest diet or gossip. The back of my receipt appears to have a coupon for McDonalds.
Geez, these ads are everywhere, instructing me to eat food that will eventually kill me, drink booze, buy crap I don’t need, and to try the latest fad diet. With all of this bombardment, it’s no wonder my mood teeder todders up and down as well as my health, bank balance, and weight. I now see why I sometimes have this irresistable urge to drink a Coke on a hot day or get McDonalds on Fridays. I’ve seen THOUSANDS of advertisements for both of those products over my lifetime. And why is that? Well, repetition sells. That’s why many ads repeat things over in the same commercial. If you hear something enough, it becomes true in your mind. If the news says the world is going to hell everyday, you’ll begin to think the world is.
I’m an adult with some life experience, just imagine how kids are influenced. Childhood obesity is becoming a huge problem. As of 2000, 15% of kids ages 6 - 19 were obese. 10% of 2 to 5 year olds are overweight. Various experts theorized that the media may have contributed to this in the following ways:
- The time children spend using media displaces time they could be doing physical activities.
- The food advertisements children see on TV influence them to make unhealthy food choices.
- Cross-promotions between food products and popular TV and movie characters are encouraging children to eat more high calorie food.
- Children snack excessively while using media, and they eat less healthy meals when eating in front of the TV.
- Watching TV and videos lowers childrens metabolic rates below what they would have been if they were sleeping.
- Depictions of nutrition and body weight in entertainment media encourage children to develop less healthy diets.
The hyperlink above references 40 studies that back this up.
And as of 2001, 60 million adults have been classified as obese with 9 million severly obese. And these numbers are still rising.
So what is the answer to fix this problem? I don’t know. But I have made some changes in my life that have helped the situation.
- I stopped watching the evening news.
- I cut my TV use down and read instead.
- I watch cable which doesn’t have as many ads.
- I mute commercials and read during them.
- I got XM satellite radio which has no commercials on the music stations and listen in my truck and at home.
- I am aware of the influence of negative news on the media and I try to stay clear of it.
- I try not to look at the newstand at the checkout counter. When I do look, I ask myself “what is the media up to these days to sell magazines?”
- I don’t bother reading billboards.
- On the TV series I have to watch, I get the DVDs after the season is over which have no commercials.
- My friend has Tivo and can fast forward through commercials.
- I prefer to watch educational and informative channels like Discovery, History, and Animal Planet.
You are what you eat. This also holds true to what you feed your mind. Feed it news of despair, celebrity gossip, junk food ads and pictures of anorexic models, and you might sink to new lows. Feed it empowering, positive, uplifting fuel and you will rise to new heights.
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Depression 152 Comments »
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5
September
2006
Marriages these days are a 50/50 bet. And odds are you know somebody who has gone through a divorce. And so often people pick a side, deciding which person was the reason for the divorce. But have you ever really had a heart to heart talk with both people individually, about the reason for their divorce or breakup?
I used to pick sides. But after some study, I found out that both sides had valid reasons for the breakup. I thought that it was strange. But I later realized that it takes two people to have a wonderful marriage, and it takes two people to get a divorce. And my picking sides was passing judgement. And who am I to judge? It reminds me of that saying from bible school:
Let he who is without sin cast the first stone.
I’m not really a religious person, I’d say I am more spiritual. But this saying has some real meaning to it. I’m not a perfect person by any means, so what right do I have to lay judgement on somebody? Was I there every second of the relationship? Do I know both parties pasts from the day that they were born? Here is another saying from Buddha:
Whatever you do, you do to yourself. To judge others only compounds your own faults.
So maybe me passing judgement on somebody doesn’t serve me. Maybe what they did wasn’t right or wrong, maybe it’s just what is. When I pick sides, a war seems to begin. I’m standing on the just side, while the opposing side stands against me, feeling they are just in their cause. This is frustrating, mean things are said, it’s really upsetting. But when I am neutral, like Switzerland, there is balance and I feel love for both parties. I’m not playing God and passing judgement on the so called wrong party.
Every person has their own unique perspective. Everything they have done up to this moment has shaped it. No two are alike. If you and I experience something together, we will both have slightly or completely different perspectives on what occured. And who is to say what happened. Our perspectives are our realities. And if you tell me that my reality is different than what my experience is, we may have a problem.
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Relationships No Comments »
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4
September
2006
Have you ever asked yourself “why do I have so many problems?” Or have you ever met somebody that always had so many problems? I found a great quote on the subject in the book Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah:
There’s no such thing as a problem without a gift for you in it’s hand. You seek problems because you need their gifts.
In my travels, I found out that the big problems I had in my life helped make me into the man I am today. When I was 19 I found out that I had a brain tumor. The doctor said it was the size of a pea and was probably the cause of the epileptic seizures I’d been experiencing for the last 3 years. At the moment the doctor told me, I was able to find the positive in my situation in that at least I knew why I was having the seizures. And this helped me realize how I’d been taking life for granted. We decided not to operate and to try to control the seizures with medication.
In the next few years my seizures got worse. And the medication had me sleeping 12 hours a day. I was going to Arizona State University and dropped out because my grades were slipping and I found it hard to concentrate. I also stopped driving because it was too dangerous with my seizures. My quality of life had gotten pretty bad so I decided it was time to operate.
Soon after my 22nd birthday, I checked into the hospital. I there for 13 days and had 2 surgeries, one to locate the tumor, and the other to remove it. After the first surgery, I began to lose control of my left leg. Then it became completely paralyzed. This was extremely difficult to deal with. Why was this happening to me? Then my right leg and hand began to lose feeling. So they decided to remove the tumor. They were confident they had gotten it all. If they missed some, it could grow back. But I was still paralyzed in my left leg. On the second day after the second surgery, I was looking looking at my toe, hoping I could move it. And then it moved!
After a month of physical therapy, I was mountain biking and had a new lease on life. This whole so called problem was actually a gift in desguise! Life is so precious and I had been taking every day for granted. I was taking my health for granted. I was taking the use of my legs for granted.
Now when I run into stumbling blocks, I look for the gift inside. I know it’s there, I just have to find it. I’ll be living life at a certain level, run into problems and go down a notch, then find an answer to the problem and move up 2 notches. It’s really a great way to live. The things that would tear so many people down, make me a better more positive person. They advance my soul…
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Greg Hankerson Happiness No Comments »
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1
September
2006
“Depending on people to care about what I say is depending on somebody else for my happiness.”
I found this thought provoking quote in Richard Bach’s book Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah. I know I used to spend much of my energy unknowingly trying to impress the world with what I said, or my material things, or my accomplishments. But this quote made me think from a new perspective.
I’m headed up to the mountains for the weekend. Be back Monday…
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Relationships No Comments »
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31
August
2006
Maybe you’re like me, after a days work you like to plop down in front of the TV and watch a few hours of shows. I’ve been watching a few hours of TV everyday for most of my life. When I think about how much time I spent there, it blows me away. Probably a quarter of my viewing is spent on commercials. I see funny commercials from Budweiser which show thin men getting hot women. And these men will do anything for a beer including screw over their friends. And yet I laugh at the commercial. I watch McDonald’s commercials enticing me to eat the most unhealthy food imaginable.
The daily news, without fail, shows me a tragic crime, a victim story, or a serial killer on the loose, leading me to feel afraid or depressed. The news always focuses on accidents, murders, rape, etc. So this makes me feel that the world is a scary, negative place just waiting to kill me.
And now reality shows have taken over primetime. Now I can watch other people, in bizarre circumstances, get humiliated and be a loser or overcome the odds and win. I can watch 50 different reality shows in one day and not have to be in my own reality.
One thing I have learned is that we are what we eat. This also goes for feeding our brain information, garbage in, garbage out. I stopped watching the news and cut down my TV consumption. I’ve replaced half of my TV watching with reading. And when I do watch TV, it’s usually something to uplift or teach me. No more Jerry Springer fights, or 10 o’clock news, or stupid commercials which I mute out now. I get my news and weather by going outside. One day, I think I’ll take my TV out to the desert and shoot it, or maybe blow it up. I’ve allowed it to feed me useless and negative information for so long. If you figure, 2 hours a day over 35 years is equal to 1,064 days of CONTINUOUS TELEVISION. Imagine if I spent that reading, I could have read a couple thousand books and have some serious knowledge. I could have spent that time volunteering and would have given back to the world in a serious way. But that is the path I chose, no sense fretting about it. I am aware of my past and that path got me to where I am today, and that is a great thing…
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Greg Hankerson Happiness No Comments »
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30
August
2006
“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one’s family grow up under the same roof. “
This is a quote from the book Illusions, The Adventures of a Reluctant Messiah by Richard Bach. My Aunt and Uncle loaned it to me and it was an amazing read. So many people, including myself, want their family to be there for them. And when this doesn’t happen, they are crushed. And they spend their lives wanting to be loved. The thought of knowing some or all of your family doesn’t agree with you, or respect you, or love you can be devistating. It’s the most basic of all desires. But odds are there is somebody in your life that fulfills this request, somebody that respects and fills you with joy. Somebody that is there for you.
I’ve seen friends and family longing for love and approval from their parents. Here is some news for you, all parents love their kids. They just have different ways of showing it. My Father shows it by providing financially, just as his Father taught him. For years I fought this, I wanted love on my terms. Well grab a pen and write this down, you can’t make people do anything. Sure you can physically force them. But I’m not talking about that. People do what they were taught over their lifetime. Change is difficult. Rewriting years of programming is extremely diffifcult, but it can be done ONLY IF YOU DESIRE TO.
Back to True Family, does some of your family drive you crazy? Well you are not alone. The term disfunctional family encompasses everybody now. And some or all of our family has their own agenda when it comes to our happiness. They do not respect our beliefs or wish true joy upon us. And that is fine, I just don’t recommend spending a lot of time with them. Just because they are blood does not give them the right to continually bring us down. We need people that lift us up and believe in our limitless potential. Who in your life fulfills this? Who are you close to that you respect and honor and who do you lecture and pull down? And who do you spend your valuable time with day after day?
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Greg Hankerson Happiness, Relationships No Comments »
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29
August
2006
Could happiness be against public policy? When we are very young, we express ourselves perfectly and are success machines. If we want a toy, we grab it. We get what we want. If we are sad, we cry. If we get angry, we show it immediately and minutes later we are over it. Then as we get older, we are told to stop our crying, stop playing around, stop getting angry. And we gradually hide our emotions. Anger gets bottled up, sadness builds, and our childlike playfulness dwindles.
In kindergarten, we are first taught to draw inside the lines. Later in school we get our first F and are told we’re no good at math. And now we believe it and it follows us around for the rest of our life. In class, we were daydreaming and our teacher called on us, only to humiliate us and give us detention. So now daydreaming is out of the question. Throw that imagination out the window and think inside the box. Conform, get a 9 to 5 until retirement, move to a retirement community and die.
Does this sound happy to you? Not me, it sounds like a recipe for disaster. It seems that America has lost it’s spirituality and has turned to medication to numb our problems. Psychotherapeutics, which include antidepressants, are the second most dispensed drugs in the country, behind heart drugs. But drugs just mask our symptoms and line the pockets of the pharmaceutical companies.
What can we do to combat the situation? Well, think for ourselves for starters. Question everything! And question everything you do. Question everything I say, I might be wrong! THINK FOR YOURSELF!
Do you remember a time when you hugged everybody, when you laughed at least once everyday until you cried, when you climbed trees and looked up at the stars, when you looked at everything with new eyes, when you loved people unconditionally and when life itself gave you butterflies in your stomach? Believe it or not, those feelings can come back. I know, I found them again on my journey over the last 2 years. But you have to start searching because life has so much to offer!
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Greg Hankerson Happiness No Comments »
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28
August
2006
When I think about what is most important to me, my own happiness comes to mind. Sure, money, love, success, wealth, etc., seem important, but if you are unhappy what good is all of that stuff? I know a person whose main life focus was career and money accumulation. This was achieved, but at the expense of health and family. Recently I found a book while I was in Alaska called The Art of Happiness written by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Culter M.D. It sounded like a great read and I am half way into it. According to the Dalai Lama, a more reliable method for inner contentment “is not to have what we want, but rather to want and appreciate what we have. ” Chew on that one for a minute…
When asked if the Dalai Lama ever gets lonely, he simply said no. That blew me away. I’ve never heard of a human that is not lonely at one time or another. He attributes this to the fact that he looks at all human beings from a more positive angle which immediately creates a feeling of affinity, a kind of connectedness. If you are connected to everybody, it would be hard to get lonely. He encourages compassion for everybody which is a main factor of happiness.
“And once you encourage the thought of compassion in your mind, once that thought becomes active, then your attitude towards others changes automatically. If you approach other with the thought of compassion, that will automatically reduce fear and allow an openness with other people. It creates a positive friendly atmosphere. With that attitude, you can approach a relationship in which you, yourself, initially create the possibility of receiving affection or a positive response from the other person. And with that attitude, even if the other person is unfriendly or doesn’t respond to you in a positive way, then at least you’ve approached the person with a feeling of openness that gives you a certain flexibility and the freedom to change your approach as needed. That kind of openness at least allows the possibility of having a meaningful conversation with them. But without the attitude of compassion, if you are feeling closed, irritated, or indifferent, then y you can even be approached by your best friend and you just feel uncomfortable. ”
Understand and appreciate the other person’s background. People do things for a reason. If you were them, believe it or not, you’d do the same thing. Once you understand a person’s background, you will feel more compassion towards them. People are all basically the same. We are born and we all die. We have a mind, physical structure and emotions. We want to be happy and we don’t want to suffer. If people are seen as being like us, we have something in common. Having something in common means we are not alone and maybe everybody can be your friend.
118 pages into this book and I feel different! I am looking at all people as my friend who has things in common with me, instead of a stranger. The word compassion flashes in my mind all day long now. And my conversations with people have more depth and feel real, not shallow like they used to.
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Greg Hankerson Happiness No Comments »
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